How undiagnosed ADHD and neurodivergence shape our beliefs about ourselves
For many individuals living with undiagnosed ADHD or other forms of neurodivergence, the journey through childhood, adolescence, and even adulthood can be marked by deep feelings of "otherness." When behaviours, thinking patterns, or emotional responses don't align with societal norms - particularly the rigid structures of Western schooling systems - individuals can develop painful and limiting beliefs about their worth, abilities, and potential.
The impact of a system that wasn't built for everyone
Western education systems, especially over the last century, have been predominantly designed with a one-size-fits-all model of learning and assessment (Armstrong, 2010). Sitting still for long periods, memorising information, and demonstrating knowledge through timed tests privilege a very specific set of cognitive and behavioural styles.
For neurodivergent individuals - those with ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or other neurological differences - these expectations can feel suffocating. Students who struggle to meet these standards often internalise their struggles as personal failures, rather than recognising a mismatch between their unique needs and the system itself. Over time, this mismatch can lead to the formation of deeply held beliefs such as:
"I'm not smart enough."
"I can't focus, so I'll never succeed."
"Something is wrong with me."
Research has shown that children with undiagnosed ADHD are at higher risk for low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and academic underachievement compared to their peers (Hoza, 2007). Without understanding the root cause of their challenges, many individuals create a narrative of personal inadequacy that follows them into adulthood.
Embracing the strengths of ADHD and Neurodivergence
While much of the narrative around ADHD and neurodivergence has historically focused on "deficits" or "disorders," a more empowering perspective recognises the genuine strengths that often accompany these ways of being. Creativity, resilience, intuition, hyperfocus, problem-solving outside the box, empathy, and entrepreneurial thinking are just a few examples of traits that can flourish when individuals are supported rather than pathologised (Sedgwick et al., 2019).
It is important to understand that these strengths are not "in spite of" neurodivergence. When individuals are encouraged to embrace their natural cognitive styles rather than conform to rigid societal expectations, their gifts can fully emerge.
Therapy can help shift the internal narrative from "I need to be fixed" to "I can embrace who I am." This reframe is essential for healing self-worth wounds and building a life that honours personal authenticity. Techniques like strength-based therapy and neurodiversity-affirming approaches encourage clients to:
Identify their unique abilities and talents.
Understand how their brain wiring can be an asset in the right environments.
Develop self-compassion and pride in their neurodivergent identity.
Set up structures and supports that align with their strengths rather than fight against them.
Instead of striving for "normalcy," therapy invites clients to aim for thriving- on their own terms.
The power of diagnosis and understanding
Receiving a diagnosis - or even simply gaining awareness of one’s neurodivergent traits - can be transformative. It reframes personal struggles not as character flaws, but as natural variations in the human brain. Studies highlight that an accurate diagnosis and psychoeducation can significantly improve self-esteem and psychological wellbeing in neurodivergent individuals (Young et al., 2020).
Therapy plays a vital role here. Working with a therapist can help untangle years of internalised stigma, recognise the impact of systemic invalidation, and begin to rebuild a self-concept rooted in strength, adaptability, and self-compassion.
How therapy supports healing and growth
Therapeutic approaches like Root-Cause Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Schema Therapy can help individuals identify the negative core beliefs formed during years of misunderstanding and mismatch. Through therapy, clients can:
Recognise and challenge limiting beliefs about themselves.
Develop new, empowering narratives around their abilities.
Learn strategies tailored to their unique neurodivergent needs.
Build resilience and self-advocacy skills for navigating a world that may still not fully accommodate diversity in neurocognitive styles.
Therapy also provides a validating and affirming space - something many neurodivergent individuals may have lacked in earlier environments. Through this process, clients can move from self-criticism toward self-acceptance, unlocking potential that was never truly "missing"- only misunderstood.
If you resonate with these experiences and are ready to explore your journey in a supportive environment, you can book a free 15-minute consultation here with me today.
References:
Armstrong, T. (2010). Neurodiversity: Discovering the extraordinary gifts of autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and other brain differences. Da Capo Lifelong Books.
Hoza, B. (2007). Peer functioning in children with ADHD. Journal of Pediatric Psychology, 32(6), 655–663. https://doi.org/10.1093/jpepsy/jsm024
Sedgwick, J. A., Merwood, A., & Asherson, P. (2019). The positive aspects of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder: A qualitative investigation of successful adults with ADHD. Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorders, 11(3), 241–253. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12402-018-0277-6
Young, S., Adamo, N., Ásgeirsdóttir, B. B., Branney, P., Beckett, M., Colley, W., & Gudjonsson, G. (2020). Females with ADHD: An expert consensus statement taking a lifespan approach providing guidance for the identification and treatment of ADHD in girls and women. BMC Psychiatry, 20, 404. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-020-02707-9
